I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
