In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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