I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
