Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
