I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
