i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
