She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
