Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
