new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
