Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
