note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
