dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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