20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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