So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
