Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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