yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
