so that wasnt chicken after all
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
