i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
