i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
