Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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