remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
