i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
