Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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