and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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