so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize