Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
