wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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