ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
