Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
