I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
