she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
