dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
