Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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