...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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