whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
