Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
