If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize