I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
