i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you had me at cake vodka
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize