good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
