When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize