just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
