hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
