you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
