At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
