There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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