theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
