Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
