I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
