After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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