Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
