This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
