I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
