i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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