I wannas sexs uuuuu
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
