It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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