I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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