But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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