Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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