Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
