So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How naked do you want me to be?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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