If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
