I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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