Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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