Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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