So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
