If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
