He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize