If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
